Ever spend so much time trying to deny something to everyone that you actually convinced yourself too? And then when you realize it, its a complete surprise? And then even though it could be a wonderful wonderful thing, you stand to lose so much that you continue to be too chicken to do anything about it despite the fact that it'll drive you crazy till you do? So you dig up its hole again, toss it in and try to throw the dirt back on top knowning you'll never fully succeed...