Scary Revelations

I've been feeling very confused, frustrated and downright scared about the future lately. Yeah, I know. I should just live in the moment. Not worry about what's going to happen in two years cause that's not the important thing. Now is important. I know. I've heard it all. Unfortunately, that's not me. I plan. I want to know what's going to happen, how things are going to go. I don't like surprises and last minute plans. That's just me. I wish I could change it. But I can't.
So lately education and relationships have been on my mind. And I'm scared. All my life I've wanted to be a mom and a wife. Always. If you'd asked me what I wanted to be when I was 10, I would have said a mom. I never wanted to be a teacher, or a doctor, or a waitress or anything like that. I wanted to be a mom. As I got a bit older I realized that a career option would be a good plan cause well, as much as I wanted to be a mom, I wanted to have something outside of children and husband that I loved. Over my high school years I discovered an interest in law and government. As I got into university, this interest began to include the ways in which law and government affected women and just the lives of women in general. Now, not only do I want to be a mom, but I"d very much like to be an educated woman somwhere in the legal system or government. I'd like to make a difference in the lives of people, especially those of less fortunate, and under privelidged women and children. Its become a passion. For so long, Motherhood was my passion but now I"ve added to that. I've not lost my desire for motherhood, not at all. Its as strong as ever but now it is coupled with being the best woman I can be for myself, my future husband and children and the rest of the world.
So, when I realize that at age 20 (yes, I can hear you saying..."That's not that old" - but when you've been planning for so long...) I've never had a boyfriend of any degree nor has any guy expressed an interest in me; that my law plans may not come to fullfillment; and that I may end up single in a dead end job - I freaked out. I realize that for someone who's able to live completely in the present, or for someone who does not put so much energy and passion into the things they want that this is probably not a big deal. For me, however, it is. And I find it very upsetting when I consider failing at the things I wish to accomplish. I hate the uncertaintly of what I'll do if I don't get into law school...? Where will I go? What will I do? Eventually the issue of money and time comes into play... will I just end up working at Irving or a cell centre for the rest of my life? After spending several thousands on an education? What if law school isn't for me? And I"m just being mislead by my desire to achieve "something"? Am I actually good at something? Is there actually something out there for me? Is there a person out there for me? Or am I just mean to be single and always falling for people who have no interest in me? Am I meant to adopt a couple children and raise them on my own? I hate uncertainty. I WANT to know. I NEED to know. And I don't know how to cope with NOT knowing.
What if I miss it...? What if I completely pass over what is meant for me? What if I pass it up for something that I think is better when really, for me, its not?
And I wonder why my head hurts...